she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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