dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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