He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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