I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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