So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
