I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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