I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm passing your future prison.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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