I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
