my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize