I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize