Please don't use social media to get back at me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
