if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
