my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
