why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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