It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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