Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
