every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
