i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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