I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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