We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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