this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
