Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
