True but thats because hes a fetus.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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