Dual....:-)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
