They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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