I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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