i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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