You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
