Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
