you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
