home. puking in laundry basket.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
