You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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