All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
