I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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