So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
