I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
