3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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