Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
