Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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