I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
