he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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