Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
