margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
are you so shy because you have an std?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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