Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
