I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
