i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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