i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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