Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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