i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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