You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
