Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
