I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
