Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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