a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
