i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
