fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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