Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
