we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize