Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
