idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize