Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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