everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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