A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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