i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
