I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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