God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
