This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
